It Takes Two...No, Really.

I'm going to be honest. This week was a hard one. You know when you've been trying so hard to make sure everything gets done, and then one day it all comes crashing down on you? Yeah, that was me this week. Let me give you a little background.

I work full-time so that my husband can do school full-time and focus completely on his classes and his applications to medical school. A lot of people do that, and it was working out great for us. Then I had a baby. I loved spending time with Emma during my maternity leave, and I needed that time to adjust to motherhood. But the inevitable day came when I had to return to work.

Now I have to leave Emma with my mom or mother-in-law while I go to work. Luckily, my manager lets me work the last half of the day from home, and my husband watches Emma during that time while he tries to do homework. Once I am done working, it's time to get dinner ready. We usually get a half hour to eat together before Brig has to leave for a study group, a church meeting, or something else. So I stay home with Emma and get her ready for bed while also trying to clean up dinner and do other chores.

Here's where things get complicated. Brig and I were both raised in very traditional homes. Dad goes to work. Mom stays home with the kids. Dad fixes things and handles everything car-related. Mom cooks and cleans. That's all great, and Brig and I would love to eventually be in a situation where I can stay home with Emma and he can work. But in the meantime, we have to be flexible. I have noticed that because we are both familiar with the traditional marriage, Brig and I have struggled to know how to divide responsibilities during this time of our lives. We both expect me to make dinner and keep up on the household chores. My husband is not just a bum, okay? I expect those things of myself, and I am awful at asking for help. Well last week I learned the hard way that I can't do everything. Shocker, right? I can't work full-time, change all the diapers, do all the feedings, make dinner, do the dishes, and stay sane. I guess some women can do that, and if you're one of those women, you are my hero. But I am just not cut out for that.

One day last week, I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was drowning in a lake, and I was flailing my arms and kicking my legs, desperately trying to keep my head above water. But no matter what I did, the waves just kept crashing on top of me, threatening to overwhelm me for good. So I did what any girl would do. I cried a little bit in my car, and then I texted my husband.

I told Brig how I was feeling, and we talked about how we could better divide our responsibilities. And here's the thing: guys want to help, but they don't always know how to help. At least, that is the case with my husband. During our conversation, I told Brig how overwhelmed I felt, without blaming him or accusing him, and he was happy to help me. We talked about specific things he could do, and I told him I would be better at asking for help when I need it.

Later that day, he came home and took care of Emma for me. I was working, and he was walking through the apartment grabbing things. I wasn't paying very close attention until I saw that Brig had pulled out the baby bathtub. Tears came to my eyes as I realized what he was doing. The day before, I had mentioned that I hadn't given Emma a bath when I should have because I hadn't had time, and remembering that, Brig was getting everything ready to give her a bath himself. It seems like such a small thing, but in that moment, I felt like Brig was rescuing me from drowning in that lake I was talking about. When I saw Brig putting the bathtub in the sink and filling it up with water, it was like he was extending his arm and reaching down into the water to pull me out. I don't think I had ever loved him as much as I did in that moment.

So to all you wives who feel like you're drowning in your to-do lists and to all you husbands who feel like you aren't strong enough, I am telling you that there is hope. There is a solution. You do not have to drown. Be each other's life guards, and catch each other when you fall. If you haven't already, I encourage you to sit down together, hold hands, and discuss what you can do to improve your marriage and more effectively work as a team to reach your goals as a family. I promise you can do it, and I promise that this will bring you and your spouse closer together.

I read a quote today that said, "Marriage is not 50/50. Divorce is 50/50. Marriage is 100/100." So give it everything you have, and be honest with your spouse when you feel like everything isn't good enough. You will be reminded and amazed at how much your spouse loves you and wants to rescue you.